..Gary Dretzka
..Noah Forrest
..Leonard Klady
..R.J. Matson
..David Poland
..Douglas Pratt
..Ray Pride
..Michael Wilmington

Madagascar

Directed by Fernando Perez,
Tom McGrath, Eric Darnell
Dreamworks SKG

Mirror, mirror on the wall... which opening movie is the worst of all?

I haven't seen The Longest Yard, yet I feel quite comfortable in saying that it's Madagascar... Badagascar... MadDisatar..

I guess that it is only fair to day that the film is utterly unmemorable. But we do now know the answer to the question, "What is less funny than a hypochondriac giraffe?"

Nothing.

But Ben Stiller doing voice over comes up a close second. The big problem is, he doesn't have a distinct enough personality to make it interesting. If they had hired Sly Stallone, it might have worked better. Schwarzenegger. James Earl Jones. But by hiring people who are trying so hard to be funny, they got the opposite.

Jada Pinkett tries hard, but has almost nothing to work with.

The only survivor in this mess is Sasha Baron Cohen, who is, not coincidentally, at the center of the ad campaign now, joining the penguins, as Julian, King of the Lemurs. Let me be the first to say, so Matt Drudge can avoid it, that Julian is gay and fabulous. He's also funnier than any of the leads.

Chris Rock acquits himself best... but there just is too much yakking for any comic's own good.

The only laughs in the big room in which I saw the film were the adult jokes that pushed the raunchy envelope.

Perhaps the most disturbing thing about the film is that it doesn't feel like anyone thought too much about what the film was saying. Is a zoo a superior habitat? Have these animals been made dangerously domesticated? And when working in anthropomorphism, how funny is one friend fantasizing about eating another?

Kids under 8 will find the film amusing. It is fast and loud and there are funny voices. And there are the penguins. The penguins are funny. But even there, instead of having a sharply recognizable voice, there are okay, but generic voices. Think Sean Connery as the lead penguin... would have been a home run. Instead it sounds like a weak Phil Hartman imitation.

Not enjoying Madagascar was kind of sad. Onwards...

- David Poland