Gary Dretzka
Leonard Klady
David Poland
Douglas Pratt
Ray Pride

WEEK FIFTEEN
TRILOGY OF TERRIBLE

They are part of what's been called The Frat Pack, though I never quite saw it that way. Stiller would never be in a frat and Will Farrell has a whole different group of friends. But the Bothers Wilson and Vince Vaughn… serious connectivity. From brotherhood to Old School to Wedding Crashers, they go together.

With all three - Owen, Luke & Vince - on the ascent this last year, this was a summer when they all worked as solo acts… and all three of their movies suck like a malnourished baby after an eyeful of a nursing Angelina Jolie.

The latest disaster is My Super Ex-Girlfriend, which just plain fails on every level. Personally, I think it qualifies as an epic of misogyny, made all the more irritating by pretending to have girl power at its core.

The first great offense - in movie chronology, but not in movie order - is the creation of "G Girl" (a name so remarkably unremarkable that you wonder how anyone let it pass), which consists, upon touching a meteor, of her breasts growing a few cup sizes and her lovely brown hair turning blonde. Great message for those teen girls, huh?

Moreover, the rest of the film involves four women. The hero, G-Girl is not only human, she's a horny spinster who expresses her sexuality in an extremely male way, castrating even in her most generous sexual mode. The "good girl" (Anna Farris) is sleeping with a rather random (and short) male model, appreciates being ogled, and jumps at her friend the second he is available and interested. The sexually ambiguous male schlub (Rainn Wilson) gets laid all the time, in spite of an irritating way, and after bar girl (Margaret Anne Florence, whose character name is… "Shapely Bartender"), who was smart enough to stay away, gives in because he is celebrity-related, he is shown to be, of course, more powerful in bed than she is. Even the office sexual harassment screamer (Wanda Sykes) is another shrew who can't be right in any way... and then in the closing cartoon is, as I recall, finally tamed by the right guy.

Luke's eye are permanently on "boing!" as all he gets to do here is react to the wackiness of others… which is really not what Luke does well. He's a good looking guy and all, but he needs to have a personality on the page to bring much personality to his characters. For me, his best work was in The Royal Tennenbaums and in The Family Stone. In both cases, he finally had something to do other than to be a nice looking guy.

The truth is, both this film and You, Me & Dupree would have been better off had the brothers switched roles. Luke would have been great playing the calm, but calamitous best friend to Matt Dillon, never showing the kind of kink that Owen does, which steals scenes in ways that hurt the storytelling. And Owen would have been the perfect slightly off guy who kinda gets off on bedding G-Girl, but then can't wait to get away from her.

Of course, these changes would improve each movie… but only massive rewriting could save either.

Luke's situation at Fox is not quite as muscular as the Vince or Owen deals. They made the movie Vince had in mind and, dangerously, they more than got away with it - The Break-Up will gross about $118 million domestic. You, Me & Dupree is not quite as happy a story, heading towards somewhere between $45 million and $65 million domestic. Owen flexing his muscle is not as apparent, but the movie does list to Owen's side of the comedic triangle to the detriment of the film.

The misogyny of My Super Ex-Girlfriend, which is not Luke's fault, is just the start of this movie's problems. Don Burgess, who was once a brilliant cinematographer working for Bob Zemeckis, makes a mess out of this thing, which looks like it was shot mostly on TV stages. Ivan Reitman, who was a more than passable director with a great eye for talent and an ear for dialogue in his day, doesn't help anyone here. There are bits, like the fact that every woman Rainn Wilson's character talks to ending up getting angry with him and insulting to him, that are by the book… and still, Reitman doesn't seem interested in bothering even with the set-up and punch, often leaving out the set up.

But most importantly, the concept here is kinda brilliant. What would happen in a real break up if your ex was a superhero? What would a superhero be like stuck with the mundane day-to-day of a relationship? There is one scene that plays with that idea and is almost interesting… she is jealous and she doesn't want to leave the girl she is jealous of alone with her guy, even though a missile is headed towards New York. Unfortunately, the way it plays out is only half as clever as it needed to be in order to be a great scene. My Super Ex Girlfriend is one great scene short of having one great scene.

And riddle me this, G Girl? Why do all three films in the Terrible Trilogy involve relationship troubles? Is this the subject that these three have special insight into?

The thing that is really great about these three actors is that they all seem like guys you'd want to hang out with. They are fantastic movie friends. And they are all attractive enough to be romantic leads. But they all seem to need a primer on what their charms are, as opposed, perhaps, to what they hope their charms might be.

If only they had figured it out so we could all enjoy watching their summertime flings this year.

Last Week's Box Office Chart

THE COLUMN Week 14 - 7/13 Week 14: Miami Vice Review Week 13 - 7/6 Week 12 - 6/29 Week 11 - 6/22 Week Ten - 6/15 Week Nine - 6/8 Week Eight - 6/1 Week Seven - 5/25 Week Six - 5/18 Week Five- 5/11 Week Four - 5/4 Week Three - 4/27 Week Two - 4/20 Week One - 4/13

THE BOX OFFICE CHARTS Week 14 - 7/13 Week 13 - 7/6 Week 12 - 6/29 Week 11 - 6/22 Week Ten - 6/15 Week Nine - 6/8 Week Seven - 5/25 Week Six- 5/18 Week Five - 5/11 Week Four - 5/4 Week Two - 4/20 Week One - 4/13

- Email David Poland