December 19, 2002
Week Two: Part I
Week One: 12.12.02

THE GOLDEN GLOBES 2003 SOUNDTRACK

REPORTERS: Whadya nom-nate?

HARVEY (as HFPA): It's Chic-aaa-go

REPORTERS: And what else then?

HARVEY (as HFPA): Gangs Of Neeew York…

REPORTERS: Did Ya Pay Them?

HARVEY (as HFPA):Wined And Dined 'Em

HARVEY: But ev'rything is above board

HARVEY (as HFPA): How dare you call us silly whores!

There is little doubt that this year's Golden Globe nominations will be somewhat of a precursor to the Oscar nominations. After all, between The Hours, The Pianist, About Schmidt, Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, Gangs of New York and Chicago, you are certainly looking at a minimum of three nominees for Oscar's Best Picture. A monkey could tell you that, even if his/her only method of analysis was randomly throwing used banana peels at a chalkboard of titles.

And I love that Maggie Gyllenhaal has been given a shot at sneaking into the Oscar race for a tiny little movie from Lions Gate.

But the trouble with the HFPA lurks just below the surface. In much the same style as Richard Gere controls the media in the "We Both Reached For The Gun" number in the nomination-leading Chicago, you can feel Harvey Weinstein's fingers pulling the strings of the HFPA membership all over this list of nominees. It's not so much that the Miramax slate isn't worthy. It's the missing nominations for companies that are not as agile (or free with cash) in sucking up to The Golden Gang of 92.

Where is Far From Heaven? You might assume that it just wasn't popular enough. And it did get a nomination for Julianne Moore. The argument for HFPA open-mindedness about Focus Features would also include across-the-board nominations for The Pianist. But The Pianist is one of those undeniables… even more for the HFPA than for the Academy (though I think that Polanski's minor-key masterpiece will be there for Oscar as well), because it is an important "American" film that focuses on European history.

Fox Searchlight? No Antwone Fisher, no The Good Girl, no One Hour Photo. Oversight or lack of well-applied suction by Searchlight? Forget quality issues for a second… the Golden Globes passing up Denzel Washington, Robin Williams and Jennifer Aniston?

Meanwhile, there is really not a single nomination that Miramax could realistically ask for that it didn't get. In the the top ten Globes categories Miramax, if you include The Hours as one of theirs, they took 20 of 51 nominations. Add "Best Score" and you get 23 of 56. The only thing that kept them from even more is that they ran out of movies, I guess.

Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes Harvey
Oh yes, Harvey
Oh yes, Harvey reached for
The Globes, the Globes, the Globes, the Globes,
Oh yes, Harvey reached for the Globes
for the Globes.

Even within the Miramax nomination block, you can smell the meddling hands. Don't worry about that Rabbit movie… Phillip Noyce is a pain in the ass, but we may need Michael Caine again in the future… Chicago over Gangs… John C. Reilly over the infinitely superior Alfred Molina (that Taymor chick ain't getting nothing either)… Need six directors in order to get all of ours in? Is that a problem? Catherine AND Renee… Queen Latifah AND Cameron Diaz…

It's like a bad joke.

And you have to wonder whether Miramax was laying little bombs for DreamWorks whilst they were spreading their own… uh, joy. Road to Perdition - one. Catch Me If You Can - one. Apparently the Gang of 92 was so loaded on Miramax booze that they checked Leo off for the wrong movie… they were told "Leo" and when they were filling out the ballots (147 votes and only 92 members… kidding) "Catch" came before "Gangs" alphabetically… damn! Do you think that Harvey can get a recount now that the nominations have been announced? They should fix that oversight. Less than 50% of the nominations is really a bad showing.

This is one of those classic cases where there is (probably) just enough justice to get away with the scam.

And let me be really, really clear… this is not meant as disrespect to the nominees themselves. There isn't a single Miramax nominee as bizarre as Adam Sandler for Best Actor. (Note that in Tuesday's column, I warned you that the Musical/Comedy section would be a freak show… and it is.) There are no "Pia Zadora" nominations on this list, no matter how biased the overall group may be. This is kind of like Soderbergh's Ocean's 11 versus Milestone's Ocean's 11… much, much smoother when remade and somehow I miss the singing black garbage man, but even so, at heart, they are still the same story.

I should also point out that the MGM/UA team did a truly phenomenal job, grabbing surprise nominations for Igby Goes Down and Nicholas Nickleby. (Uh, Nicholas Nickleby is comedy?!?!?! Better tell Chris Plummer - who also deserved to be nominated long before John C. Reilly's Chicago cameo.)

Of course, I am personally thrilled with the six well-deserved nominations for Adaptation.

But this is Harvey's show, make no mistake…

HFPA CHORUS
Understandable, understandable

HARVEY AND HFPA CHORUS
Yes, it's perfectly understandable
Comprehensible, comprehensible
Not a bit reprehensible
It's so defensible!

HARVEY (barked)
Let me
Hear it!

REPORTERS
Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes Harvey
Oh yes, Harvey
Oh yes, Harvey reached for
The Globes, the Globes, the Globes, the Globes,
Oh yes, Harvey reached for the Globes
for the Globes.

 

Updated Top Ten Rankings to come this afternoon...
Current Rankings

The next edition of 15 Weeks to Oscar will appear next Thursday.

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