..Gary Dretzka
..Noah Forrest
..Leonard Klady
..R.J. Matson
..David Poland
..Douglas Pratt
..Ray Pride
..Michael Wilmington

The Importance
of Being Ernie, Adam, Shelton, Lindley, et al ….

The first thing I’d like to know, or minimally have jogged in my memory is who borrowed my copy of The Groucho Letters. I’m hopeful my recollection of a portion of the book is lucid and reasonable correct. However, if I should stumble, let me apologize in advance.

America, and indeed much of the world, has become celebrity obsessed. The imprimatur of a star, regardless of his or her realm (though most come from the ranks of entertainment or sports) is endlessly employed to promote products, some related to the performer’s career; others that feel cozying up to a celebrity will give their wares a much needed endorsement. It is an odd sort of seal of approval in that it tends to obliterate content. Whether it’s the new Madonna CD or the latest Brad Pitt movie, the subject matter, style, innovation or whatever takes secondary position to the fact that it involves a favorite performer.

A colleague observed recently that if one were to take all the mainstream national magazines and put them in Braille, one could not tell them apart. The reliance on profiles of the same people at the same time says more than I care to address about the herd mentality.

Our entertainers are gods we generally relate to on a first name basis. So, it’s helpful when they have an uncommon name like Beyonce or Harrison. In film circles, there is only one Mel. However, depending on what music circles you orbit, invoking that name might resurrect Tillis or Torme. Still, even those unfortunate enough to have retained birth names such as John, George, Susan or Jennifer can theoretically ascend to stardom even with such an obvious handicap.

Case in point: the two Toms. The enduring popularity of both Hanks and Cruise has weathered potential storms from Berenger, Selleck and associations that include McAnn, Jones and Thumb from unrelated areas. If a need for monik-ular supremacy exists between the two actors, it has been thankfully kept out of the public spotlight.

What’s in a name?

I heard a tale many years ago involving the painter Salvador Dali. The story goes that a businessman approached the creator of the drooping watches and offered him $1 million for the second letter of his name. Dali was floored by the deal and asked the man what on earth he needed it for? The man replied that he wanted to open a string of restaurants and call them Dalicatessens. The dadaist apparently said for the first and only time, “get that man out of here, he’s completely mad.”

Well, just for fun I typed in k-l-a-d-y and did a Google search. Nine of the top 10 choices were articles I had written and #10 was something in Czech I could not possibly decipher. My next stop was KnowX - the people locator. It generated 26 Kladys living in the U.S. I was unfamiliar with 25 of the entries.

At that point I considered myself lucky that the prospect of being mistaken for another with a similar sounding Christian name was remote. In fact, the only instance I could ever recall of someone mistaking me on a name basis occurred about 25 years ago when I was asked if I was Greg Hlady. Immediately, my thought turned to my friend David Freeman, author of A Hollywood Education and numerous books, plays and screenplays. He’s been driven crazy by another David Freeman that teaches a course in screenwriting and who -  my David Freeman suspects -  is trading on his credits not intentionally but on the basis people will jump to the wrong conclusion.

It’s also been my impression that one cannot copyright a name as in, let us say, movie titles. The manner in which members of the Motion Picture Association of America settle disputes involving films with similar or even the same title is quite civilized. Members agree not to replicate names from the past because it might infringe upon the on-going commercial value of an earlier success or create confusion in the public’s mind. However, if the company feels that a film has to have a certain title that’s previously been employed, they can go to the company with prior dibs and seek a dispensation of sorts. For instance, there are now three wholly forgettable studio movies called Crossroads -  last year’s unfortunate Britney Spears film debut; a 1986 Ralph Macchio movie about the search for a legendary blues singer; and a 1942 William Powell movie that turns on amnesia and blackmail.

Which nicely cozies up to the correspondence between Groucho Marx and lawyers for Warner Bros. that took place circa 1946. The initial letter came from the studio’s legal department and amounted to a cease and desist order relating to the announcement of an upcoming Marx Brothers movie to be titled A Night in Casablanca. The missive maintained that moviegoers would not be able to distinguish between the new film and Warner Bros. Oscar-winning picture that starred Humphrey Bogart and Ingrid Bergman.

Marx’s response was cheeky, pointing out that the studio film was not in theaters but even were it to be re-released, he had confidence that the average patron could distinguish between Bergman and Harpo. He went on to question the Warners right to use “Brothers,” insisting the Marxes had been brothers professionally longer than the Warners and, in fact, are predated by the Smiths and Karamazovs. The sober legal department’s response was to ask for a plot outline.

Which brings us to the current case of Shelton Lee. Who, you ask, is Shelton Lee? Well, you probably know him better by his adopted name, Spike Lee.

Spike Lee claims -  and thus far the courts have given credence to his assertions -  that Viacom’s planned men’s cable channel Spike TV is a reference to the filmmaker. So far he’s managed to get the courts to prevent the outlet from operating under the Spike moniker. It was to have made the transition from TNN on June 16.

As recently as Monday, the judge on the case proposed a trial date of July 7. Whether that winds up being amenable to all parties remains to be seen but everyone recognizes that Viacom is bleeding millions and a prompt decision ought to be made. I must confess to a certain delight that Lee and his lawyer Johnny Cochran have actually been able to stop a giant corporation dead in its tracks - something virtually unprecedented in the history of big business and the courts. However, exactly what the court deems sufficiently compelling to forestall the launch of the cable outlet remains somewhat unclear.

Cochran says the injunction was filed June 3 as a last resort and only after months of not being able to come up with terms for a settlement with Viacom’s lawyers.  And while the court found the claims sufficient for closer scrutiny it also ordered Lee to post a $500,000 bond should Viacom prevail. The company’s head of business affairs maintains -  and it’s hard to argue -  the assessed amount is a drop in the bucket in relation to first week losses estimated at $16.8 million. But I’m willing to bet that Lee isn’t exactly casual about giving up that sort of money.

The closest thing to a smoking gun in this case appears to be a newspaper interview with TNN president Albie Hecht in April following the announcement of the planned name change. Hecht sighted Lee, filmmaker Spike Jonze and Spike from the Buffy the Vampire Slayer series as “inspirations” behind the selection of the Spike TV label. I also imagine that Viacom has a mountain of market research on how the public reacts to the word “Spike” and what resonance it has based on age, culture, education and other factors. Personally, the immediate things that come to mind are a remembered tough cartoon canine with a spiked collar and the forceful volleyball move.

Now, I’m willing to believe that a plurality of Americans when polled for a response on the word Spike (shades of Family Feud) would select the filmmaker of Do the Right Thing, Malcolm X and Bamboozled among others. I doubt that it would constitute a majority. So, I swiveled around and returned to Google for the 10 most popular Spike sights. In descending order they begin with Spike Magazine, a British online on popular culture with special emphasis on literature; Spike Nashbar, a volleyball supplier; a website dedicated to cultural activities of Native Americans; the home page for Spike & Mike’s Sick and Twisted Animation; a historic site revolving around the Golden Spike that represented the creation of a national railroad; and Blue Spike, ironically a business involved in technology to protect against copyright theft.

Further surfing revealed the existence of a Spike Leigh, a director with credits that include Shanghai Poon and Dark Passions 3. Also, that the word itself derives from Middle English and Middle Dutch origins and most commonly refers to a large nail. I seem to also recall a spike of grain and spiked heels. Hmmmm, nails, wheat and shoes -  that’s one heck of a manly cocktail.

Spike, as a person’s name, derives from nothing. Certainly based on the limited number of famous Spikes, none were christened on that basis. Spike Jones, the anarchic 1940s and ‘50s bandleader started out in life as Lindley and was dubbed with the affectionate tag by his father’s fellow railroad buddies. Spike Jonze, nee Adam Spiegel, claims to have adopted his nom de cineplume from his altered spelling namesake. I don’t immediately know how Shelton Lee morphed into Spike but given the option of Shelly or Shel Lee, one can well imagine adopting something less feminine sounding simply to survive adolescence.

Viacom elected to call its male-oriented cable outlet Spike TV and was already in the process of creating programs starring wrestlers and “babes” including the animated Stripperella featuring the voice of Pamela Anderson. It sounds on the surface like a bastion for arrested emotional development.

Knowing all this, I’d have a lot more respect for Spike Lee had he stepped forward and said he did not want his name associated with this sort of fare. Rather, based largely on the stance being affected by Johnny Cochran, it sounds as if this is all about the settlement. The two sides have agreed to discuss terms but are likely so far apart in what one wants and the other is willing to cede, they will go to the next step of having the court come up with a binding arbitration.

And what does Spike want? Well, the diminutive, pugnacious and combative filmmaker has earned his celebrity by putting himself up front on a lot of hot button issues. In that regard he’s to be commended. However, the current name game isn’t about race, sexuality, education or height, it’s about brand recognition. Just as Warner Bros. asserted an intellectual real estate lien on Casablanca, Spike is attempting to hammer home his dominion on an invented name and image. One can understand why one feels proprietary about something they created whether it’s a better mousetrap or Gone With the Wind II.

But wait, you can do something about industrial and intellectual theft. It’s called the copyright office. Except you cannot copyright a name, only lawyers, courts and Wheel of Fortune can determine the value of a vowel or consonant.

- by Leonard Klady