Gary Dretzka
Noah Forrest
Leonard Klady
David Poland
Douglas Pratt
Ray Pride

Here we are, at the start of another stanza in the epic poem of life, and, once again, we are called upon to ignore past successes and failures, and look forward to another year's worth of small victories and great humiliations.

New year's resolutions are empty exercises, unless they are intended to curb such dangerous addictions as smoking, drinking, gambling, exercising or buying DVD editions of movies one already owns in VHS, Beta and Laserdisc. Otherwise, the risk-reward ratio is so slight as to encourage backsliding. In any case, with Lent just around the corner, Christians, at least, are accorded another 40-day window to clean up their acts.

If I were to resolve to accomplish anything in 2007, it would be to wage a yearlong crusade against the mainstream media's twin obsession with meaningless awards ceremonies and celebrities who appear in public without panties or too intoxicated by booze, off-brand religions and their own fame to control their inner demons. True, without Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, Mel Gibson and Tom Cruise, late-night talk-show hosts would have little to say in the monologues. Given that American soldiers are engaged in a two-front war, however, celebrities should voluntarily agree to make such sacrifices.

Perhaps, if the MSM actually did a good job of catering to audiences dominated by society's lowest common denominator, their pandering wouldn't be so odious. Alas, sites such as Gawker and Defamer disseminate gossip faster, and with a healthier disregard for objectivity than newspapers can afford, although Page Six tends to reflect the venal instincts of Post readers.

Now, with the last of the critics' top-10 lists etched permanently in cyber-stone, we look forward with no small amount of dread to awards season, which won't end until late spring, when the MTV Movie Awards suck the last bit of unpolluted air out of Hollywood.

In New York and L.A., at least, the important movies have already been released -- if only for a week -- and ballots either have already gone out, or are about to be mailed to members of the various academies, guilds and consumer groups entrusted with such weighty matters. NBC's unholy alliance with the Golden Globes again goes public on January 15, with the wee-hours' announcement of Oscar nominations to follow a week later. Amazingly, media coverage of these events has grown in inverse proportion to the public's disinterest, as gauged by Nielsen ratings for the broadcasts.

At one time, the handicapping of awards ceremonies was left to bookmakers in Las Vegas, who had to remind reporters that, no, actual bets couldn't be made on the results. Now, of course, anyone with a website is free to prognosticate 'til the cows come home.

Unless you're a journeyman MSM entertainment writer who's publicly frowned such idiotic exercises, but knows when to follow his editor's order -- Patrick Goldstein, for example -- it's harmless fun, perfectly suited to idling away vast stretches of time in the blogosphere. When, however, such prestigious outlets as the New York Times' stand-alone Red Carpet and Los Angeles Times' Envelope wallow in the mud with the trades, tabs and fanboy sites, one senses that barbarians have already breached the walls of the MSM's most formidable castles.

In years' past, Oscar and Globe nominations could be counted on to spur increased box-office sales. At a time when critical opinion moves faster than a speeding bullet, however, computer-literate moviegoers in the hinterlands know what to avoid two weeks before they actually open in the local megaplex. Buzz from these "limited engagements" cuts both ways, after all, and why bother with a movie that fails to score the anticipated number of Globe nominations and kudos from critics?

Then, too, how absurd is it that a month after the publicity-hungry National Board of Review crowned Letters From Iwo Jima its best picture, only audiences in L.A., New York, San Francisco and Tokyo can enjoy it? Indeed, so much has already been written about Eastwood's "other" wartime drama, it's possible that folks in the boonies might assume it's already opened, closed and will show up in a couple of weeks in DVD paired with the commercial disappointment, Flags of Our Fathers.

Similarly, although it was shown months ago at film festivals in Toronto and Telluride, the Globe- and Satellite-nominated Venus was being shown on exactly two American screen on New Year's Day. Peter O'Toole, Jodie Whittaker and Leslie Phillips all do a marvelous job, but wouldn't we have rather seen it earlier this fall, when the cupboard was bare?

Eventually, the universal digitalization of movie theaters could correct such a disparity by delivering awards-worthy content to theaters around the country simultaneously. Coverage of weekend box-office tallies might not have the same negative effect on otherwise worthy films, and critics would compete on a level playing field, as well. Hell, piracy might even diminish.

Because of the vast sums of money studios now are willing to spend re-promoting their pictures for awards consideration, the MSM has begun competing with the trades for "consideration" ads. This means mainstream news outlets no longer can be trusted to remain neutral in their coverage of the phenomenon. The most prestigious of newspapers have a vested financial interest in making us care about the nomination process, and ignore the more unsavory elements. Reporters, such as the New York Times' Sharon Waxman, whose journalistic inclination is to scrutinize such the shadowy organizations as the Hollywood Foreign Press Association, now are being asked to cover the nominees, winners and losers as if everything was legit (a two-paragraph caveat generally can found towards the middle of a story).

The Envelope and Red Carpet are to the Academy Awards what department stores are to Christmas: opportunists and bottom feeders. Aren't the movies themselves sufficiently interesting to power ratings for the ceremonies? How many times can we read profiles of Cate Blanchett and Jennifer Hudson without gagging?

But, then, who really cares? Every new awards show -- but, especially the Oscars and Globes -- have squandered whatever credibility they've enjoyed by encouraging the media to focus less on the movie industry than the attendant fashion parade, banquets and $100,000 goodie baskets. The hype became so pronounced in recent years that the IRS couldn't help but deliver a blockbuster of its own, by announcing it would tax the freebies as income. Perhaps, the agency will also consider taxing the free gowns, tuxes and jewelry bestowed on those allowed to stroll down the red carpet, in exchange for plugs and poses.

This is Dr. Frankenstein's Hollywood, not the one where giants once walked and eagles soared. If it weren't for the good manners of the Brits, the academy could just as easily stage the Academy Awards in the Hollywood Bowl -- or the tent on the beach, used a day earlier by the Independent Spirits soiree -- and no one would object. Indeed, for the first year at least, ABC's ratings might get a boost from a less self-consciously formal setting.

Among the many great things about DVD is that consumers aren't forced to suffer through the hype surrounding the awards season. No one cares what anyone is wearing to the local Blockbuster, and renters in the big cities don't get access to new releases any sooner than those in Alaska and Key West.

Apart from the annual AVN Awards Show, DVD Exclusive Awards and DVD Awards -- all of which honor original content -- DVD may be the least self-conscious and self-important segment of the entertainment industry. Among other things, the DVD Exclusives salutes worthy films that were financed by studios, but were dumped because of marketing costs. They also honor children's and adult titles shot specifically for the video market, sequels to popular genre pictures (horror and children's pictures, especially), restored versions of classic titles and bonus features.

The AVN Awards, of course, are the Oscars of the Bizarro World, as they mirror everything but a category for fashion design, as clothes tend to be beside the point. The event once could be held in a phone booth, but now sells out a giant ballrooms in Las Vegas hotels (travel packages are also available). Likewise, the stars and directors stroll down a red carpet, which is lined before and after the ceremony by a phalanx of press, fans, curious tourists and dumbfounded passers-by.

The mainstream media, too, has begun expending resources on covering the AVN awards ceremony -- if even only as a pop-cultural oddity -- and the concurrent Adult Entertainment Expo, as a serious business story. Publications that once voiced horror over the exhibition of such border-busters as Deep Throat and Behind the Green Door have effectively legitimized an industry whose products can't be advertised within their pages. Even so, recognizing the work of actors competing in such categories as Best Anal, Best Oral and Best Solo Sex Scenes beats the hell out of anything produced by Dick Clark Productions, including the Globes.

Much has been written about the "maturing" of the DVD business, and assaults on its flank by newer technologies. Until something more convenient and economical comes around -- and, there's no reason to begin holding your breath just yet -- no studio is going to forsake the format for another unproven platform. Not HD, and certainly not downloading. For the foreseeable future, it's the people's choice.

As home theaters continue to proliferate -- and often surpass the audio and visual presentation of traditional venues -- discs will continue to provide the most rewarding option to seeing movies in theaters, especially in markets underserved by distributors of niche fare. Anyone willing to invest the money needed for a kick-ass home theater is very likely to spend most of his movie-watching time at right there, at home.

As for downloading, it may prove to be the delivery system of the future, but no one's yet come up with a product that equals the quality of VHS, let alone DVD. Nor will it satisfy consumers who value bonus features and commentary. As for hi-def, call me when anyone not named Trump can afford it.

Year-end wrap-ups and top-10 lists present different sorts of challenges and advantages for those of us who write about DVDs. For one thing, the sheer volume of titles released each Tuesday is astounding. Amazon rarely lists any fewer than 400-500 newcomers a week, compared to around 500 theatrical films each year from MPAA signatories (of which only about 50 have a legitimate shot at an Oscar, Golden Globe or, even, a MTV or Razzie award).

Then, too, feature films arrive on DVD in all sorts of different configurations. There are director's-cut and unrated editions, as well as previously released titles with upgraded bonus features and tricked-out audio and visual qualities. Many niche, self-help and TV-to-DVD packages are as entertaining as movies shown in the local megaplex.

In the face of all that, here are my DVD heroes of 2006:

Netflix and Facets Multimedia: In 90 percent of the country, they are the only source for non-studio movies. They allow anyone with an imagination -- and access to the Internet and U.S. Postal Service -- the ability to program their own film festivals.

Facets Video: Each month, the Chicago-based distributor releases a virtual United Nations of titles rarely, if ever seen in the U.S. Its niche labels couldn't provide a more diverse experience for lovers of foreign-language and experimental film.

Tartan Asia Extreme: Psychologically horrific movies from Japan, South Korea, Taiwan, the Philippines and Thailand that are meant to be watched with the lights on and doors locked. Tartan's non-horror titles aren't bad, either: The Death of Mr. Lazarescu, Battle in Heaven and Infernal Affairs, from which The Departed was adapted.

MVD Visual: What Facets Video is to world cinema, Movie Video Distributors is to films about music -- from Captain Beefheart and Syd Barrett, to Nashville Pussy and Turbo Negro -- deemed too hard-core, experimental, radical, obscure, obscene and unprofitable by major recording labels and radio stations.

Walt Disney Treasures: Vintage Disney, carefully restored and delivered in attractive commemorative tins. This essential series has grown to include Silly Symphonies, The Mickey Mouse Club, Elfago Baca and the Swamp Fox, The Adventures of Spin & Marty, Pluto, Goofy and the musings of Walt his own self.

Criterion Collection: The hits just keep on coming: Pandora's Box, Grey Gardens, Clean, Shaven, Brazil, The Double Life of Veronique, etc., etc., etc.

Pirates: This year, a terrific double-disc set of POTC: Dead Man's Chest; an R-rated version of Joone's porn epic, Pirates; History Channel docs True Caribbean Pirates and The Great Ships: The Pirate Ships; National Geographic: Blackbeard -- Terror at Sea; Highland's Real Pirates of the Caribbean; and re-issues of classic Errol Flynn and Douglas Fairbanks swashbucklers. Parrots not included.

Milestone Films: Lovingly restored editions of movies long thought to be lost or destroyed. In 2006, Electric Edwardians: The Films of Mitchell & Kenyon was its biggest surprise.

The TV-to-DVD juggernaut: especially Paramount's Sgt. Bilko: 50th Anniversary Edition (The Phil Silvers Show) and Shout Factory!'s collection of mid-century talk-shows and hosts, such as Jack Parr, Dick Cavett, Tom Snyder and early Johnny Carson, who weren't required to pimp for every borderline star's new movie, album, TV show, fashion line or divorce settlement. Boomers, especially, have benefited from this nostalgic trip back in time. George Clooney's Good Night, and Good Luck and Koch's Edward R. Murrow: The Best of Person to Person delivered the year's best double feature.

Documentaries: A slew of non-fiction titles that show what Bush's Folly looks like from the point of view of American soldiers and veterans, Iraqi and Afghan civilians, terrorists and insurgents, alike. The Beauty Academy of Kabul, Iraq in Fragments, The Ground Truth, The War Tapes, Gunner Palace, My Country, My Country, Iraq for Sale, Why We Fight, Baghdad ER, quasi-doc The Road to Guantanamo and others that followed in the wake of Fahrenheit 9/11.

The worst DVD trends:

" The annual re-packaging of blockbuster titles -- King Kong, Lord of the Rings, The Wizard of Oz, among them -- with only marginally relevant new bonus features and such tchotchkes as book ends, action figures and facsimiles of premiere invitations.

" The re-releasing and re-packaging of popular movies -- Apocalypse Now, for example -- ahead of the inevitable re-release, re-packaging and re-marketing for HD-DVD and Blu-Ray. The only demographic group more gullible than videophiles are blue-collar workers who continue to vote Republican.

" Forcing early adopters to choose between two incompatible and expensive digital formats. Soon, the marketplace will determine whether Blu-Ray or HD-DVD survives. Until then, however, consumers should hold off on the purchase of either one.

" Releasing half-season packages of TV-to-DVD packages, instead of a year's worth of episodes.

" Sending out director's-cut, un-rated and "un-censored" editions that don't deliver more interesting and mature material. Adding a few more boobies, F-bombs and blown-off heads -- then, slapping "uncensored" on the cover -- not only mocks the studios' own MPAA ratings system, but it also allows video outlets to do what exhibitors can't: sell tits, ass and gore to adolescents.

" Reporters who use incomplete sales statistics to mindlessly declare the demise of DVD. Despite similar predictions, no one in Hollywood, network television or the music industry has bothered to pull up stakes and weigh a career with Amway. Mass-market video stores may not be doing the business they once enjoyed, but, then, neither is Macy's. Look beyond the current-release bins, and DVD has never been as vital and appreciated as it is today.

January 2, 2007

- Gary Dretzka

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